separation....

"To feel loss and longing, you have to feel intimacy. What you miss the most about someone who isn't there is their presence in the physical world - touching them, smelling them. You miss their skin, their hair, the way they made you feel. That's what you want back."

~ bruce springsteen

it's been only 3 days since my caballero left... but it seems like an eternity. may the LORD give us HIS strength, joy, and patience as we are apart for at least a year. i miss him terribly... the saving grace is an upcoming trip to mexico to see him for two weeks.... then i pack my own bags and move to vermont.... life can be so twisted sometimes.... just when you come to grips with finally feeling at home in a place or with someone, it changes.... and yes, i know.... it's good to change... helps prevent being to comfortable or becoming stagnant.... but wow..... it's hard and it hurts...

...in terms of moving.... you would think that i would be used to this by now.... in the last 10 years, i have lived in 8 different houses - one of which was in sweden for a year. in the last 3 years i've been in approx. 16 countries.... yet it's only been in the last year that i have finally felt at home... somewhat settled in my own home in the woods.... and now it's time to pack up and move again, time to transition...

i have this weird thing going on in my mind.... sometimes i think that it's wrong for me to long for a place to be home.... to be settled down and to have a family... part of me is terrified that if i become too comfortable in location, i will miss out on the blessings the LORD has in store for me. i think it's a personal thing i struggle with.... it's not that the LORD would not bless me if i settled... but i think, i've been stretched by a lifetime of transition and crosscultural moves in order to be mobile... there is a reason for all of it.... and HE will make that abundantly clear in HIS time. i admire friends and family who know where home is... and who are not stagnant. settling is not wrong... if the LORD should ever give me that blessing of 'being home,' then may i be ever ready to go when HE says it's time to go. may i never be tied to a place - instead, may my heart be tied to the LORD JESUS CHRIST and the call to see HIS glory proclaimed throughout the earth.

despite transitions and separations, HE is faithful! (remember that, caballero de mi vida!)