little zwerg...

a kind jolly face, eyes looking ahead up towards the sky
wrinkles that sag past his rosy, flushed, like apple-looking cheeks,
his solid white beard speaks of wisdom, of age, of laughter,
of knowledge.
knowledge gained perhaps from the book permanently wedged under his arm.
a book that i will never be able to remove to know at least the title.
one foot in front of the other, his boots speak of hard work, of labor, of travels (perhaps).
where are you going, little zwerg?
are you taking the 'gute nachricht' into all the world?
no baggage, just one foot in front of the other.
a book.
the word to sustain you.
the WORD.
so many places to go. your feet are positioned ready to go.
yet, here you are, at the end of a coffee bar called lemonjello's.

a blast from the past...

the boys are back in town...

wow! expecting a blast from the past any moment now... :) some of the boys are back in town and are heading over for a bbq... phung, andy vE, ko, ryan p, henry, and matt d. and his family!! wonder what college memories will re-surface...

so it's mid-september and i'm actually sitting in my back yard right now... another beautiful day of sunshine and boat traffic. gotta love it... fall is slowly coming... though the leaves are still bright green... i keep hearing that the reds and oranges will be incredible this year... we'll see if the digital camera will do them any justice...

okay, so last night i did something i haven't done in ages... phung (who is in from sf) convinced me to drive to MSU for his yougest sister's b-day party. we left at 9pm, crashed the party, and got home around 3:30am.... all in all it was another college party... kids still making fools out of themselves... hahahahah....

anonymously...

hey, do you ever feel like you want to start all over? to just pack up, move some place where noone knows you, where you can disappear, and start out all over again?

i wonder what it feels like to be unknown? does that mean you are not popular? or would it give you more freedom?

your definition should not lie in who you are to other people.

(and yes, i do know that we are not created to live in solitude... that's not what i mean.... i think i mean "anonymously".... - can you really live "anonymously" without being a hermit? and how long can one be anonymous before one has a friend?)

what do you suppose he's holding?

re-fo-cus-ing

11:30pm.... so here i sit in my ikea poang chair.... listening to some spanish love songs (i assume they are love songs based on my weak comprehension skills and the rythym of the song - then again, for all i know he could be singing about his dead dog or some wilted flowers... i don't know).

i felt like writing, but now that i've actually logged on i've realized that i don't know what to write...

had a startling revelation on monday. i decided to take monday and tuesday off this week to re-charge, re-focus, re-energize, unwind... whatever... and ended up stacking wood, raking leaves, cleaning around the house. it was an incredible day (why are we having july/august weather in september???) - and as i was moving wood, sawing wood, and stacking wood, i realized how much i love that type of physical work....

whenever i do outdoor work like stacking wood, i somehow refocus... i feel good about my work... and i feel energized... that's when it hit me.... GERMAN CULTURE: the reason i love that type of physical work is that there is an end product.... i've accomplished something, i've gotten my heart rate up there, and there is an end product... yup - us, germans, need an end product. in this instance it was a beautiful row of stacked wood.

that's why i hate running or jogging... there is no end product (well, at least not right away!) and so i feel like i've accomplished NADA - well, i've accomplished tiring myself out... hahahaha... but other than that.... well, there is just no wood pile....

i told neal that i would like to keep a wood pile behind my office so i can refocus for a few minutes during the day by stacking wood.... he didn't take too kindly to that.... just think - i could be such a productive worker.....

life is... II

life is bittersweet sometimes, don't you think?

tomorrow is another day of 'goodbyes'... after an intense month of taking care of 15 japanese students, it's time to say 'au revoir,' 'aribe deci,' 'auf wiedersehen,' 'ciao,' 'sayyonara,' 'farewell,' 'so long,' whatever...

bittersweet? well it is, because this last month, my life has more or less revolved around these kids... and i'm ready to get everything back on track... yet, these are some of the sweetest, funniest, kindest, ... kids and i'm really going to miss them.... who knew the japanese were so full of hugs!!

another goodbye.... another hole left in my heart... this group briefly filled another lacking hole, only to have made that hole just a little bigger...

i hate saying goodbye....

life is...

so, yeah... my life is my work....

part of work right now is also attending a class - global poverty... some thoughts:

creation is broken, and the absurdity of it all is that we can learn facts about our neighbors - such as: 24,000 people die a day from hunger related illnesses. of those 24,000 people, roughly 3/4 of them are children. 840 million people are chronically malnutritioned. according to the worldbank, nearly half of the world's population (of around six billion) currently seek out a living on $2/day or less. how many kids just died in the hijaked russian school? over 300? kids!!! innocent kids.... and what else is going on this world to break your heart? yet, we are mostly concerned about the next nfl football game.... don't you think life is absurd?

it's good...

you know that feeling when everything just seems right.... it's just plain good - like the contented GOOD that is followed by a sigh of happiness.... i look around me, think of people that surround me, the environment, and just life in general, and i know that right now things are good - GOOD.

yeah, there are holes in my life that i don't always understand and can't patch right now, but i also know that the lord is just giving me a lots of grace at this time. his joy floods my soul when i look around me.... there's so much to learn about appreciating the little things in life. it makes me think of this summer, when i worked in the garden - the simplicity of having my hands in the dirt, seeing the vibrant colors, catching a scent from a lavender bush, and watching things grow. why do we complicate life so much? why do we try to drown out life by allowing noise (work, tv, radio, etc) to numb and distract our thoughts? why do we need to constantly be busy and on the go? do we fully live life like that? what is it to live fully? to embrace life? the beauty, the simplicity (and the intricacy), the joy, the...

and i wonder what your passion in life is? do you truly know what your god-given passion is? and does it make you happy? happy in your soul, knowing that this happiness is a gift, an offering of praise back to the lord?

when i do look around me, when i interact with students from around the world - when i encourage them, joke around with them, laugh with them, challenge them, learn about and from them, cry with them, hug them, help them, ... i get energized... i feel alive, like i'm fulfilling my purpose right now... i think that joy, that sense of being alive is passion...

and yes, i know not every day is like this, but on the days that it is, it is a powerful reminder of god's love for me - of knowing that he is using me right here right now... and it's GOOD.

anish kapoor