i could feel you sitting next to me
and i wanted to hold your hand.
but it was only empty air.
my mind plays these strange games....
.... and i turn my head to make sure that you are there.
but you are not.
i thought i heard your voice,
and laughter.
but it's only my imagination.
i guess this is just a little of what it must feel like for an amputee....
you are my phantom limb. and i miss you!
thanks for coming to toronto! siempre contigo.
4.10.06
21.9.06
time to think.....
it's ironic.... but there are times lately when i think, "stop.... think.... reflect... (big SIT word)....." and i fall asleep.... really, it's not that my thoughts are so boring.... (well, i hope not), but more that i keep thinking... "oh, let me get one more thing done, then i can kick back.... and process life." but i feel like i haven't gotten to that point lately.... and there are SOOOOOO many things running through my head..... things i want to reflect upon.... that i want to ponder and analyze..... but i just don't do it....
i'll be honest.... lately, i feel a bit like a dud..... life seems to be revolving around work. this week alone i've had something at the college every single evening..... and i'm just tired....
there's been a yearning in my heart lately for something deeper, richer, more colorful.... there's got to be more than letting your work dominate your life..... BOUNDARIES. ahhhhhh..... sigh..... so, deeper i go.... and when i get deep enough i pray that things will become more and more clear.....
sometimes even my posts lately have not been very creative or thought provoking....
i better get my act back together.... hahahahahahaha
on another note, one more week before i get to see mi amor in canada..... maybe that will bring some creativity back to my dull life.... ;)
keep ya'll posted!
by the way..... can i just tell ya'll that the politics at work are insane??? i think i've got enough research topics for my CT thesis..... hahahahaha.......
i'll be honest.... lately, i feel a bit like a dud..... life seems to be revolving around work. this week alone i've had something at the college every single evening..... and i'm just tired....
there's been a yearning in my heart lately for something deeper, richer, more colorful.... there's got to be more than letting your work dominate your life..... BOUNDARIES. ahhhhhh..... sigh..... so, deeper i go.... and when i get deep enough i pray that things will become more and more clear.....
sometimes even my posts lately have not been very creative or thought provoking....
i better get my act back together.... hahahahahahaha
on another note, one more week before i get to see mi amor in canada..... maybe that will bring some creativity back to my dull life.... ;)
keep ya'll posted!
by the way..... can i just tell ya'll that the politics at work are insane??? i think i've got enough research topics for my CT thesis..... hahahahaha.......
7.9.06
al'arabiah
friends, the good news is that i'm not giving up on my semester of arabic from last year... jamila would be proud!! now that i'm back at hope, i'm able to continue taking arabic!! first class is tonight... i'm sure there is much to review since i opted to take farsi last spring rather than the second semester or arabic.... actually, an honest and fair assessment will be that i'll need to start from scratch.... at least i'm familiar with the alphabet.... :)
ma'a salama
ma'a salama
3.9.06
i love my scanner
so, i've had this scanner for a number of years but rarely use it.... today it's all set up and ready to go.... i've totally enjoyed going through old photos... the non-digital ones.... so, here are the first few.... by the way, the turkey's are from bonita's turkey farm...
hawks
every once in a while, we become privy to seeing something grand... maybe it's the striking blue of a little butterfly that still has the courage to emerge at the end of the summer, the brilliant orange of a lily, or holding a newborn baby,.... whatever it is, i believe that it's a gift from god... and that he wants us to stop and look around us in amazement.....
i had one of those moments today.....
i had just settled into a chair by my patio door when strudel (my cat) started chasing shadows in the sunlight streaming onto the floor next to me... curious to know what the shadows were, I got up and went outside.... there above my home in the clearing i saw 20-22 hawks having the most amazing ritual. the hawks were soaring in one circle - half of them clockwise and the other half counter-clockwise. it was stunning. they were perfect in their movements - hardly ever varying from their tight circle.... just soaring....peaceful.... circular.... perfect symetry.... i watched them for about 5 minutes, before they suddendly dispersed into all different directions. each taking off in a different direction.... it was truly amazing..... beautiful.
i came back into the house just slightly stunned and awed by the grace and beauty i had seen....
i had one of those moments today.....
i had just settled into a chair by my patio door when strudel (my cat) started chasing shadows in the sunlight streaming onto the floor next to me... curious to know what the shadows were, I got up and went outside.... there above my home in the clearing i saw 20-22 hawks having the most amazing ritual. the hawks were soaring in one circle - half of them clockwise and the other half counter-clockwise. it was stunning. they were perfect in their movements - hardly ever varying from their tight circle.... just soaring....peaceful.... circular.... perfect symetry.... i watched them for about 5 minutes, before they suddendly dispersed into all different directions. each taking off in a different direction.... it was truly amazing..... beautiful.
i came back into the house just slightly stunned and awed by the grace and beauty i had seen....
1.9.06
behind the sun
just saw a very beautiful brazilian movie.... "behind the sun".... the cinematography is beautiful..... highly recommended.....
office politics and the first week of classes, shuttling japanese students from a to b, thinking about a wedding (not mine!), and fall allergies have me completely beat.... this week i've managed little more than come home from work, dig up some food, and crash in front of a no brainer movie.....
c'est la vie at this point......
office politics and the first week of classes, shuttling japanese students from a to b, thinking about a wedding (not mine!), and fall allergies have me completely beat.... this week i've managed little more than come home from work, dig up some food, and crash in front of a no brainer movie.....
c'est la vie at this point......
12.8.06
a cord of three strands.....
"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12
what beautiful symbolism to use at a wedding.... hanging in front of carol and andy were three strands, the middle one beautifully woven of gold, representing christ. the outer two strands represented both carol and andy's lives. during the ceremony the two of them braided the strands together as a symbol of their union. two strands cannot easily be braided together - you need the third to hold it all together. it was beautiful to watch carol and andy commit their new life together under the lordship of christ.
may god richly bless the two of you on this new journey! he is faithful!!
2.8.06
an imagination that has no limit....
tonight i delved into the wonderful mysterious world of little girls.... what gleeful, spontaneous, imaginative minds such little ones have.... in the deepest parts of my heart i longed to once again have such a creative, imaginative mind which would catapult me into worlds now unknown to me..... worlds of splendor and make believe, of rescuers and heros, of being able to bring fires and food and animals into existance out of nothing....
i spent the evening at some friend's home who had invited several other people over for a turkey dinner... yeah!! thanksgiving in august!!
five little girls under the age of 5 were running aroud in princess dresses, fingernail polish, and pretend adventures.... and it wasn't long before (to my delight!!) i was asked to play along.... while the adults kept there conversations going, i snuck away and was wisked off into a make believe land... i was given a new name - "sapphire," told i was the older sister, and suddendly was cupping my hands around unseen blueberries and herbs.... fighting fires and rescuing my darling little girls from the floodwaters... pretending to be on an airplane flying to japan... and nursing the pretend sick back to health.... what a sweet, sweet time of letting my mind go places that i haven't been to in 25 years....
for those of you who know me... i'm far from being girlie-girl. but oh.... my heart's longing was to be in a princess dress, to be able to truly see the blueberry pancakes and taste the make-believe maple syrup. where has that creativity and imagination gone? i know it's somewhere.... there's something so refreshing about re-visiting that part of your mind.... little girls are amazing... i watched two of the little girls hover next to a mother changing one of the baby's diapers... they were absorbing every move.... staying close, watching what was being done.... it was so precious.... and i could see how as little girls they were drawn to caretaking and nurturing..... there is something innate in us women even as little girls.... something that wants to mother.... to take care of ... to make beautiful..... it's in us.
and how often do i fight it? i try to be the tough girl who doesn't need to lean on someone else.... ms. independent. ms. do-it-myself. ms. tomboy.... oh, i cherish my tomboy childhood, but i also long to be that little girl who will make things beautiful.... dare i say, that i might reconsider the five boys i've always wanted... maybe it would be okay to have some little girls some day....
ah sigh.... alas, i think the book 'captivating' is catching up with me. i'm learning.... truly i'm trying to learn... learning what it means to allow my feminine side to come forth... not hide behind a toughness.... it's hard to explain .... but it's part of a personal journey i'm taking into the deeper side of me.... sounds kinda serious, eh? well, may the journey be filled with many more creative, imaginative moments that wisk me off to unknown places....
i spent the evening at some friend's home who had invited several other people over for a turkey dinner... yeah!! thanksgiving in august!!
five little girls under the age of 5 were running aroud in princess dresses, fingernail polish, and pretend adventures.... and it wasn't long before (to my delight!!) i was asked to play along.... while the adults kept there conversations going, i snuck away and was wisked off into a make believe land... i was given a new name - "sapphire," told i was the older sister, and suddendly was cupping my hands around unseen blueberries and herbs.... fighting fires and rescuing my darling little girls from the floodwaters... pretending to be on an airplane flying to japan... and nursing the pretend sick back to health.... what a sweet, sweet time of letting my mind go places that i haven't been to in 25 years....
for those of you who know me... i'm far from being girlie-girl. but oh.... my heart's longing was to be in a princess dress, to be able to truly see the blueberry pancakes and taste the make-believe maple syrup. where has that creativity and imagination gone? i know it's somewhere.... there's something so refreshing about re-visiting that part of your mind.... little girls are amazing... i watched two of the little girls hover next to a mother changing one of the baby's diapers... they were absorbing every move.... staying close, watching what was being done.... it was so precious.... and i could see how as little girls they were drawn to caretaking and nurturing..... there is something innate in us women even as little girls.... something that wants to mother.... to take care of ... to make beautiful..... it's in us.
and how often do i fight it? i try to be the tough girl who doesn't need to lean on someone else.... ms. independent. ms. do-it-myself. ms. tomboy.... oh, i cherish my tomboy childhood, but i also long to be that little girl who will make things beautiful.... dare i say, that i might reconsider the five boys i've always wanted... maybe it would be okay to have some little girls some day....
ah sigh.... alas, i think the book 'captivating' is catching up with me. i'm learning.... truly i'm trying to learn... learning what it means to allow my feminine side to come forth... not hide behind a toughness.... it's hard to explain .... but it's part of a personal journey i'm taking into the deeper side of me.... sounds kinda serious, eh? well, may the journey be filled with many more creative, imaginative moments that wisk me off to unknown places....
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