there was a moment (just minutes ago) when all was serene.....

it's a beautiful sunday morning, the birds are chirping away, the car and boat traffic hasn't started just yet, and i am sitting on my back porch drinking a lovely cup of tea. this is the moment i've been waiting for all summer.... nay, all year. the quiet, the unrushed, the reflective.... time to sit and read, to write, to just be..... the dogs quietly resting next to me, the cat lazy at my feet.... this is what i imagine when i think of a stress free life (or perhaps a stress free moment).....

then in an instant that all changes.... i step into the house briefly to get a book and in that moment, pip disappears..... the dogs take off on a running spree through the neighbors yards and down the street taking with them the serene moment that i was just given.... and there i go, down the road after the dogs, flip flops floppin' and waking the neighborhood shouting the dogs names.... there is no use in calling pip's name as he lost his hearing last year sometime. age.

but here i am again... back in the serene, as if the other moment never happened.... the cat is by my feet again, the dogs next to me on the porch..... and my tea is still hot.

those little glitches in life.... don't they just happen for and in an instant?! yet they have the potential to wreak havoc on our lives unless we learn to somehow come back to the serene.... kind of like god's love.... how easy is it for us to have something take us from his love... where we step out of our relationship with him (note: he doesn't do the stepping away from us -- we do the stepping away, the looking away). we take on the stress when really we should be keeping our eyes fixed on him....

well, i'm off for breakfast with friends!

glory to god

wow..... i can truly testify to god's goodness and faithfulness -- a miracle has happened tonight. miracles happen all the time, but sometimes it takes a big one to remind us of that. so a miracle happened tonight....

went to prayer meeting at church tonight where we started sharing various prayer requests.... about 1/2 hour into the meeting, maggie's phone rang and she suddenly jumped up, saying that a little boy from our church had drowned..... she rushed off to the hospital along with our pastor, leaving us to pray and ask god for a miracle. as we sat together with council members who were meeting in an adjacent room, we prayed and asked for god to work according his will..... i read psalm 121 and as we were praying, 2. kings, came to my mind and i started reading aloud about elisha and the shunamite woman whose son died. elisha laid on the child, eye to eye, mouth to mouth, hand to hand... and the boys body became warm again.... as elisha tells the mother to take her son, she fell to ground and worshipped god.... we asked god for that kind of a miracle and we got it!!! a few minutes later, the pastor burst into the room sharing that "all was well".... he came back to!!! praise god for his goodness.... may this little boy be a testimony and a witness to god's faithfulness and goodness.... the glory goes to god. may this little boy know this story so that he can give god the glory for the rest of his life!

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i was incredibly blessed to talk and pray with a spiritual mother/mentor to me after the prayer meeting.... i am so thankful that god has put this woman into my life. thank you, maggie, for loving me the way you do.

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on my way to prayer meeting, i thought this tonight:

"if god were a fly on the wall, would he be pleased with my words and actions towards my husband? if he were in the room, how would he respond to my self-righteousness and my justifications? would he approve of my thoughts and stubborness? would he say, "right on!" or "way off"???"

and then i had to remind myself..... "oh yeah.... god is everywhere.... he doesn't need to come in the form of a fly"

i was very humbled to remember that in the midst of the thick of it, god is present and can see and hear what i say. time to eat humble pie.....

ahhhh.... my brothers have been so "productive".... i love my niece and nephew!! and one more due in july and another in october.... auntie amy & uncle rodrigo will be spoiling these newest family members!!! :)

Owen (about 12 hours old, just born a month ago!!)

Owen w/Auntie Amy and Daddy Andrew

Allison, my sweet niece (16 months old), who lives far away on Vancouver Island

the rest of the story.... or is that yet to come??

so, the fact is that I had to go back to the dentist the next morning for the root canal.... long, long story short, i inhaled 45 minutes of nitrate before they gave me three and a half shots of something that is supposed to numb me up good. problem is that it never became numb. eeks!!! i was so worked up by the third shot that all effects of the nitrate vanished in an instant and i decided that i had to get out of there.... is that weird or what?? the previous day i had two shots and i was numb for another three hours after leaving the dentist's chair.

we'll try again next week... i postponed it as long as i dared! i'll be asking for prayers that 1) the shots work right off bat, 2) i won't be too scared, and 3) that i won't feel a thing.....

spent the day with the dentist today.... and i get to go back tomorrow for a root canal. .... it's obscene what dentists charge....

good stuff

good memory: rodrigo pulls up to a mcdonalds and ask for a whopper, jr!! the girl reminded him that you can only get whopper, jr. at burger king.... hahahahahaha

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one highlight of the last week was traveling to chicago on a monday afternoon to go to the mexico-senegal friendly game..... 60,610 people attended and i would guess that 90% were of mexican descent. ramses and rodrigo held a "felicidades mama" banner in honor of mother's day and lo and behold, martha actually saw him on tv!! great game... until mexico scored and the beer started raining down on us.... people were so excited they just threw their cups up in the air... rodrigo said it was a good thing that it was early in the game as it may not have been beer that came down. mexico won 1-0; that was enough to keep rodrigo awake to drive us all home that night so that we could get a couple of hours of sleep before work the next morning.

the soccer frenzy has hit our house.... the big debate is now whether or not we invest in cable so that rodrigo can watch every game that he can.

Akon - Official World Cup Song

Love this Pepsi commercial!!

if....

.... if i was a smoker, i would have smoked a pack of cigarettes by 3pm today.
.... if i was a runner, i would have ran 13 miles without stopping by 3pm today.

today i was so overwhelmed and stressed in the office that i found myself thinking these thoughts as i was putting on my tennis shoes to go out and to finally breathe some fresh air.

nothing like some spring air and a brisk walk to clear my head. what stress....

politics. politics. politics. politics. politics. politics. politics. politics.

a "normal" person

today i give a shout-out to my friend, carol, who made me feel like a "normal" person again..... what a pleasant surprise and blessing to find her in my office after a day of meetings.... seems like the last few weeks have just been a series of meetings, meetings, meetings and more meetings. a meeting for this and a meeting for that and each meeting producing more meetings and more work (now there's a concept!) so that by the time carol came around, i was ready to bolt. so, we just walked downtown, grabbed something to drink, sat next to the new fireplace on 8th street, and absorbed the sun. our conversation was pure catch-up and speculation on why life can't be more simple and free; why we hibernate in our homes avoiding building community; and dreaming what our gardens will look like this summer. for an instance i felt like a normal person, finally having a good conversation with a friend. so, carol, a shout-out to you. thank you!!

i'm somewhat ready to come out of my hole -- my hiding place since my last entry. i've lived in survival mode day by day; a draining and tiring mode, but escaped to out of necessity. my grieving period is getting closer and closer as i anticipate the end of semester and when it finally comes, i will allow myself to release the grief and to start healing. until then, may i trust in the lord that i will finish this race set before me.

david

.... these last 24 hours seem like some sort of a nightmare... i keep praying that i will wake up and see dear david walk through the door - his big smile, his crazy hair. it seems so unreal.... except that it is very real -- it's real as i sit with the students.... and tears run down our faces as we hold each other. it's real when i think of the pain the two families are going through. it's real as we try to figure out what needs to happen next....

i keep thinking about him.

his greatest loves in his young life: 1) God and serving his kingdom, 2) his family in Kenya, and 3) flying.

i will miss him tremendously.... anyone who ever met david was immediately impacted by him and his great desire to serve the lord as a missionary pilot.

i'm exhausted..... more later.

my spirit runs dry

i just sent an email to a friend that went something like this:

My spirit is low these days and I just feel tired .... in part I long for a year of Christian fellowship like I experienced when I lived in Sweden. At this point, being immersed in that type of a setting sounds good again... (never thought I would come back to that point). Anyway, I hunger for the Lord's spirit and for a place to get away. Just to be..... not to have to be on the go all the time or to meet anyone's expectations, but just to be.

Hmmm... the psalm comes to mind. "Be still and know that I am God."

well, so much for starting 2010 off with a bang!

i long for the long walks in the woods of holsbybrunn, for the opportunity to not be responsible, in charge, or required to say, to do, to be a certain way except to learn more about being a child of the almighty and to rest in his presence.

i'm tired.

i miss community.
friendships.
the joy of pure laughter.
fun.

i'm drained and my spirit runs dry.

living water, fill me with your spirit!