life on the vine

2010-08-01T09:48:00.002-04:00

there was a moment (just minutes ago) when all was serene.....

it's a beautiful sunday morning, the birds are chirping away, the car and boat traffic hasn't started just yet, and i am sitting on my back porch drinking a lovely cup of tea. this is the moment i've been waiting for all summer.... nay, all year. the quiet, the unrushed, the reflective.... time to sit and read, to write, to just be..... the dogs quietly resting next to me, the cat lazy at my feet.... this is what i imagine when i think of a stress free life (or perhaps a stress free moment).....

then in an instant that all changes.... i step into the house briefly to get a book and in that moment, pip disappears..... the dogs take off on a running spree through the neighbors yards and down the street taking with them the serene moment that i was just given.... and there i go, down the road after the dogs, flip flops floppin' and waking the neighborhood shouting the dogs names.... there is no use in calling pip's name as he lost his hearing last year sometime. age.

but here i am again... back in the serene, as if the other moment never happened.... the cat is by my feet again, the dogs next to me on the porch..... and my tea is still hot.

those little glitches in life.... don't they just happen for and in an instant?! yet they have the potential to wreak havoc on our lives unless we learn to somehow come back to the serene.... kind of like god's love.... how easy is it for us to have something take us from his love... where we step out of our relationship with him (note: he doesn't do the stepping away from us -- we do the stepping away, the looking away). we take on the stress when really we should be keeping our eyes fixed on him....

well, i'm off for breakfast with friends!

glory to god

2010-05-26T22:22:00.002-04:00

wow..... i can truly testify to god's goodness and faithfulness -- a miracle has happened tonight. miracles happen all the time, but sometimes it takes a big one to remind us of that. so a miracle happened tonight....

went to prayer meeting at church tonight where we started sharing various prayer requests.... about 1/2 hour into the meeting, maggie's phone rang and she suddenly jumped up, saying that a little boy from our church had drowned..... she rushed off to the hospital along with our pastor, leaving us to pray and ask god for a miracle. as we sat together with council members who were meeting in an adjacent room, we prayed and asked for god to work according his will..... i read psalm 121 and as we were praying, 2. kings, came to my mind and i started reading aloud about elisha and the shunamite woman whose son died. elisha laid on the child, eye to eye, mouth to mouth, hand to hand... and the boys body became warm again.... as elisha tells the mother to take her son, she fell to ground and worshipped god.... we asked god for that kind of a miracle and we got it!!! a few minutes later, the pastor burst into the room sharing that "all was well".... he came back to!!! praise god for his goodness.... may this little boy be a testimony and a witness to god's faithfulness and goodness.... the glory goes to god. may this little boy know this story so that he can give god the glory for the rest of his life!

***************************************************************

i was incredibly blessed to talk and pray with a spiritual mother/mentor to me after the prayer meeting.... i am so thankful that god has put this woman into my life. thank you, maggie, for loving me the way you do.

***************************************************************

on my way to prayer meeting, i thought this tonight:

"if god were a fly on the wall, would he be pleased with my words and actions towards my husband? if he were in the room, how would he respond to my self-righteousness and my justifications? would he approve of my thoughts and stubborness? would he say, "right on!" or "way off"???"

and then i had to remind myself..... "oh yeah.... god is everywhere.... he doesn't need to come in the form of a fly"

i was very humbled to remember that in the midst of the thick of it, god is present and can see and hear what i say. time to eat humble pie.....

2010-05-24T22:11:00.006-04:00

ahhhh.... my brothers have been so "productive".... i love my niece and nephew!! and one more due in july and another in october.... auntie amy & uncle rodrigo will be spoiling these newest family members!!! :)

Owen (about 12 hours old, just born a month ago!!)

Owen w/Auntie Amy and Daddy Andrew

Allison, my sweet niece (16 months old), who lives far away on Vancouver Island

the rest of the story.... or is that yet to come??

2010-05-24T22:05:00.002-04:00

so, the fact is that I had to go back to the dentist the next morning for the root canal.... long, long story short, i inhaled 45 minutes of nitrate before they gave me three and a half shots of something that is supposed to numb me up good. problem is that it never became numb. eeks!!! i was so worked up by the third shot that all effects of the nitrate vanished in an instant and i decided that i had to get out of there.... is that weird or what?? the previous day i had two shots and i was numb for another three hours after leaving the dentist's chair.

we'll try again next week... i postponed it as long as i dared! i'll be asking for prayers that 1) the shots work right off bat, 2) i won't be too scared, and 3) that i won't feel a thing.....

2010-05-17T20:14:00.001-04:00

spent the day with the dentist today.... and i get to go back tomorrow for a root canal. .... it's obscene what dentists charge....

good stuff

2010-05-16T14:54:00.003-04:00

good memory: rodrigo pulls up to a mcdonalds and ask for a whopper, jr!! the girl reminded him that you can only get whopper, jr. at burger king.... hahahahahaha

********************************************************************************

one highlight of the last week was traveling to chicago on a monday afternoon to go to the mexico-senegal friendly game..... 60,610 people attended and i would guess that 90% were of mexican descent. ramses and rodrigo held a "felicidades mama" banner in honor of mother's day and lo and behold, martha actually saw him on tv!! great game... until mexico scored and the beer started raining down on us.... people were so excited they just threw their cups up in the air... rodrigo said it was a good thing that it was early in the game as it may not have been beer that came down. mexico won 1-0; that was enough to keep rodrigo awake to drive us all home that night so that we could get a couple of hours of sleep before work the next morning.

the soccer frenzy has hit our house.... the big debate is now whether or not we invest in cable so that rodrigo can watch every game that he can.

Akon - Official World Cup Song

2010-05-16T14:48:00.000-04:00

Love this Pepsi commercial!!

2010-05-16T14:39:00.005-04:00

if....

2010-04-29T21:59:00.002-04:00

.... if i was a smoker, i would have smoked a pack of cigarettes by 3pm today.
.... if i was a runner, i would have ran 13 miles without stopping by 3pm today.

today i was so overwhelmed and stressed in the office that i found myself thinking these thoughts as i was putting on my tennis shoes to go out and to finally breathe some fresh air.

nothing like some spring air and a brisk walk to clear my head. what stress....

politics. politics. politics. politics. politics. politics. politics. politics.

a "normal" person

2010-04-28T22:12:00.003-04:00

today i give a shout-out to my friend, carol, who made me feel like a "normal" person again..... what a pleasant surprise and blessing to find her in my office after a day of meetings.... seems like the last few weeks have just been a series of meetings, meetings, meetings and more meetings. a meeting for this and a meeting for that and each meeting producing more meetings and more work (now there's a concept!) so that by the time carol came around, i was ready to bolt. so, we just walked downtown, grabbed something to drink, sat next to the new fireplace on 8th street, and absorbed the sun. our conversation was pure catch-up and speculation on why life can't be more simple and free; why we hibernate in our homes avoiding building community; and dreaming what our gardens will look like this summer. for an instance i felt like a normal person, finally having a good conversation with a friend. so, carol, a shout-out to you. thank you!!

i'm somewhat ready to come out of my hole -- my hiding place since my last entry. i've lived in survival mode day by day; a draining and tiring mode, but escaped to out of necessity. my grieving period is getting closer and closer as i anticipate the end of semester and when it finally comes, i will allow myself to release the grief and to start healing. until then, may i trust in the lord that i will finish this race set before me.

david

2010-01-18T22:33:00.002-05:00

.... these last 24 hours seem like some sort of a nightmare... i keep praying that i will wake up and see dear david walk through the door - his big smile, his crazy hair. it seems so unreal.... except that it is very real -- it's real as i sit with the students.... and tears run down our faces as we hold each other. it's real when i think of the pain the two families are going through. it's real as we try to figure out what needs to happen next....

i keep thinking about him.

his greatest loves in his young life: 1) God and serving his kingdom, 2) his family in Kenya, and 3) flying.

i will miss him tremendously.... anyone who ever met david was immediately impacted by him and his great desire to serve the lord as a missionary pilot.

i'm exhausted..... more later.

my spirit runs dry

2010-01-11T17:49:00.002-05:00

i just sent an email to a friend that went something like this:

My spirit is low these days and I just feel tired .... in part I long for a year of Christian fellowship like I experienced when I lived in Sweden. At this point, being immersed in that type of a setting sounds good again... (never thought I would come back to that point). Anyway, I hunger for the Lord's spirit and for a place to get away. Just to be..... not to have to be on the go all the time or to meet anyone's expectations, but just to be.

Hmmm... the psalm comes to mind. "Be still and know that I am God."

well, so much for starting 2010 off with a bang!

i long for the long walks in the woods of holsbybrunn, for the opportunity to not be responsible, in charge, or required to say, to do, to be a certain way except to learn more about being a child of the almighty and to rest in his presence.

i'm tired.

i miss community.
friendships.
the joy of pure laughter.
fun.

i'm drained and my spirit runs dry.

living water, fill me with your spirit!

2009-12-12T21:22:00.001-05:00

i love how clear this water is..... crystal river, sleeping bear dunes, mi

2009-12-12T21:20:00.000-05:00

2009-09-04T22:49:00.001-04:00

2009-07-01T16:05:00.000-04:00

Colors by Whitni Thomas, MK (1991)

I grew up in a Yellow country
But my parents are Blue.
I'm Blue.
Or at least, that is what they told me.
But I play with the Yellows.
I went to school with the Yellows.
I spoke the Yellow language.
I even dressed and appeared to be Yellow.
Then I moved to the Blue land.
Now I go to school with the Blues.
I speak the Blue language.
I even dress and look Blue.
But deep down, inside me, something's Yellow.
I love the Blue country.
But my ways are tinted with Yellow.
When I am in the Blue land,
I want to be Yellow.
When I am in the Yellow land,
I want to be Blue.
Why can't I be both?
A place where I can be me.
A place where I can be green.
I just want to be green.

Multicolored.... GERMARICANESE

2009-06-23T09:39:00.002-04:00

Create your own flag.... http://www.wearemulticolored.com/

breakage....

2009-06-21T23:23:00.005-04:00

do you ever wonder if there is just one more thing that can go wrong or can break? i swear ... in a matter of 24 hours:

--barkley chewed off the face of a doll that my mom made for me when i was a little girl.... (awwwwww... the pain!)

--the basketball pole that rodrigo was assembling "blew over" in the wind and destroyed my rhodedendron (it looks pathetic)

--rodrigo accidentally spilled some spicy salsa on a new table cloth

--i broke rodrigo's favorite wine glass..... :(

after finishing the dishes i think i just went to bed to avoid any other disasters...

oh yeah... never mind that the neighborhood was destroyed that night in a storm.... there must have been something in the air for all of this to happen within 24 hours...

Neighborhood after the STORM

2009-06-21T23:02:00.006-04:00

it's been a long time since i've gone 26 hours without electricity.... (and yet that is the reality for many folks around the world on a daily basis!)

well, it certainly was a weekend of storms... i heard that "little holland, mi" made the national news by hosting two incredible storms -- one early friday morning (2am) and one on friday night.... some in the community have even said that they saw a tornado.... after seeing the storm damage in our woods, i wouldn't doubt it.

we are incredibly thankful that our home was spared and that there was no major damage.... our neighbor on the other hand was not so fortunate.... we didn't even hear the branch come down, cuz the thunder was sooooo loud for sooooo long.....

trees down everywhere... power lines down..... basements flooded..... roads damaged... cars smashed... all of these right here in our own block and a half..... we have a lot to be thankful for....

when mom and dad have no power, they even lose their water supply..... having city water here in holland is a true blessing.... even though we sat around with candles (and some vino) and settled into the dark.... we still had water. so, that was our weekend.... kudos to the many, many, power supply folks and cleaning crews who worked so hard over the entire weekend.... especially on FATHER'S DAY.

Up North.... I love being home.

2009-06-18T08:57:00.007-04:00

There is just something "WILD" about this picture.... I wonder what's going through their furry heads!

Given that Pancho and Rodrigo weigh about the same, there was as much pushing into the water as resisting the water....

Barkley looks like he's a water fountain....

Otis Pottery.....

2009-06-17T11:11:00.001-04:00

“Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are anger and courage. Anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain as they are.” … St. Augustine

Sarah's Key

2009-06-16T16:03:00.005-04:00

highly recommended read:

SARAH'S KEY by T. de Rosnay - I read the book in three days. a fantastic, yet tragic read.

[editorial note: after posting the above, i spent the rest of the evening mourning the fact that i had finished reading the book.... i likened it to having said 'goodbye' to a dear friend unsure of when i will next see him/her....]

my darling niece.....

2009-06-11T11:57:00.003-04:00

i so look forward to the day when i meet this beautiful being....

Magnificent -- (click on title to watch the video)

2009-06-11T09:07:00.005-04:00

Magnificent by U2
Magnificent

I was born
I was born to be with you
In this space and time
After that and ever after I haven't had a clue
Only to break rhyme
This foolishness can leave a heart black and blue

Only love, only love can leave such a mark
But only love, only love can heal such a scar

I was born
I was born to sing for you
I didn’t have a choice but to lift you up
And sing whatever song you wanted me to
I give you back my voice
From the womb my first cry, it was a joyful noise…

Only love, only love can leave such a mark
But only love, only love can heal such a scar

Justified till we die, you and I will magnify
The Magnificent
Magnificent

Only love, only love can leave such a mark
But only love, only love unites our hearts

Justified till we die, you and I will magnify
The Magnificent
Magnificent
Magnificent

blogging facelift...

2009-06-08T00:01:00.002-04:00

wow, the time i have just spent giving my blog a facelift..... now if anyone could tell me how to move the description bar down to the bottom of the title section....

southshore village multicultural event

2009-06-07T21:59:00.007-04:00

RED

ORANGE

BLUE

another thought on blogging....

2009-06-07T21:58:00.001-04:00

one nice thing about blogging is that while it is available for folks to read, it doesn't announce it to the world like facebook does... heaven forbid you make a comment on facebook and the whole world knows.....

2009-06-07T21:54:00.000-04:00

the loss of blogging

2009-06-02T22:07:00.003-04:00

you know, my home page is set to this blog and it's the first thing i see when i get on firefox.... yet, i haven't written much at all in months... and i haven't checked the blogs of so many friends.... to my dismay, many of the blogs are deleted, moved, or inactive as of 2007.... my theory: facebook has taken over. it's become THE social networking site so that only the faithful have continued to maintain their blogs.... i'm guilty of having neglected this old friend... and yet, i have so many memories and thoughts stored on this blog..... maybe i just don't have that much to say anymore... is that a sad thought or what?? where is my inspiration??

HISTORY

2008-11-05T21:49:00.004-05:00

i know that if we paid more attention, we'd see history happening on a daily basis around us.... BUT when something like NOV 4 happens and we know that history has forever been altered and we are about to embark on something new, something that hasn't happened in the past, we celebrate!!

today i'm proud to be an american!

2008-11-05T21:49:00.001-05:00

okay.... it works.... whew!!!

2008-11-05T21:48:00.001-05:00

testing.... testing.... one, two, three....... can we go live???

2007-11-08T22:51:00.000-05:00

did you know???

2007-11-05T21:17:00.001-05:00

okay, so i feel awful......turns out some of you don't know that i got engaged this summer...... why didn't i post it on facebook, my blog or send it out over email?? well, for one thing, i wanted to tell most of you in person.... and that's more or less happened throughout the summer, except for now, i'm realizing that the task in itself was nearly impossible..... so, here is the official announcement..... we're engaged as of june 9, 2007!!

2007-09-18T23:10:00.001-04:00

by golly, it does!!!

hmmmm.... so does this thing still work?

2007-09-18T23:09:00.001-04:00

my word!! it's been 5 months!! how rediculous is that???

are people still out there?? i need to start posting some updates!!

2007-04-25T21:33:00.000-04:00

oh, good gracious... how much time has passed since i've last been on this thing?? sad, sad, sad......

folks, spring is here!! tulips, tulips, and azaleas! and sunshine, rain drops, and warmth. the beauty of four seasons is that you truly learn to appreciate each season as it comes....

hey, so, life is good, it's busy, it's at times frustrating, but in general, it's good. not quite sure what to post, though i did tell my dear emma that i would post a funny story that wario clued me in on.... here goes:

Drunken man parks horse in bank foyer

Yay for Germany!!!

grace

2007-03-21T21:46:00.000-04:00

sometimes grace comes softly and gently.... and if we don't take a moment to reflect we may miss it all together. once we recognize the grace, it is then that our hearts are flooded with thankfulness.

walking in the rain does that sometimes for me.

and i'm thankful. for everything in my life. grace.

2007-02-08T20:08:00.000-05:00

you know, i have to tell you.... i really, really have missed taking pictures.... my camera has been sitting here staring at me... and i've just not taken the time with it.... BUT i did just develop some photos that i took over the last month.... and thought you might enjoy some of these....

'pancho' east jordan, dec 06

'a splash of red & a new habit' holland, feb 07

'little rascals' holland, feb 07

'going nowhere' east jordan, dec 06

2007-02-06T19:28:00.000-05:00

as habeeb says, i am now officially part of the statistics of the blizzard of 2007.

wouldn't you know it.....

* a frozen waterpipe - thank you, Lord, for not letting it burst... and yes, now it runs hot water, although i can't turn it off with the faucet. any ideas, anyone?

* coming from kalamazoo today, i took the otsego exit and hit an icy patch.... before i knew it, I sailed right over a metal pole, up a snowbank and onto a street sign which is now at a permanent 45 degree. again, thank you, lord, for keeping me safe.... my car is okay, i'm okay, i didn't get a ticket, and i didn't even mind paying the $40 for the tow truck to pull me out. i'm just glad to be safe!

ahhhhh... spring, where art thou??

in the spirit of superbowl commercials.... one of my favorites from 2003

2007-02-06T00:27:00.000-05:00

twilight '06

2007-02-05T23:29:00.000-05:00

2007-02-05T22:20:00.000-05:00

good folks.

i know it's been too long.... i can barely explain where the time has gone..... every so often, i manage to make it back to 'chicken scratch' and peruse it, but truly lack the motivation or creative muses to put something down. but seeing that people have been checking in on me even when i just make a 'peep,' makes me feel pretty special.... so gracias.

can you believe it's the first week in FEBRUARY???? lately i seem to be reliving the freaky moment when i realized that i only have 5 more weeks of research and writing before my first draft of my capstone paper is due. okay, i'll give it to you straight-up. i'm way behind and though i may work better under pressure, at this point i'm praying for a miracle and a full realization that it's not by my strength, but only by His.

do you ever name your past year? i mean, i'm still looking for a word to describe 2006.

so, some of you may have heard about this blizzard that hit the mid-west and michigan in particular..... we've been dumped on.... and pretty much stranded in our homes over the past few days. but it was quite enjoyable.... lazy, really. i convinced rodrigo that we needed to help the critters in the woods - so we bought some bird seed and brick of bird trailmix and then a corn thing that hangs from a bungee cord for the squirrels. i'm now an avid birdwatcher. i have a fat woody woodpecker who is a regular at the feeder - i named him 'albert.' and then there is a beautiful red cardinal who sometimes allows his spouse to come..... let me tell you - that dash of RED in the midst of white, gray and brown is so stunning. even albert's red head and blue back stand out.

deep, bold colors. primary colors. what a beautiful gift to the world .... can you imagine if life were only in black and white? (yeah, i know ... there's a movie out about that.)

i made the mistake of picking up a gardening magazine while waiting in the check-out line the other day. i'm ready for spring and to work in my garden. again. deep, bold colors.

there's much to ponder. i hope you are all doing well......

******************

by the way, i received an email out of the blue on sunday.... from a guy i grew up with in germany.... it makes me sad to think that i have forgotten about some of the people from that time in my life. i haven't heard this guy's name in 19 years. he now lives in the canary islands. 19 years.

2007-01-24T21:51:00.000-05:00

peep. i'm still alive.

tryin' to keep up....

2006-11-11T15:25:00.000-05:00

leaves, leaves, and more leaves... even though we got jipped out of fall, the leaves have fallen and have been trying to take over my lawn....

did some rakin' with two friends yesterday which resulted in 7 big black bags of leaves and 5 more piles of leaves to get rid of.... so, despite the rain and the wet bags, i decided to take the leaves over to the county fairground for composting.... so into the car, i push 7 big black bags of leaves.... et voila.... i make it to the fairgrounds despite not being able to see a thing out of my back window....

i pull up to the fairground and start unloading the bags to put into the mulcher.... imagine, little asian girl with seven big bags spilling forth from the little jetta.... surrounded by middle age men in their big trucks and trailers, who probably raked up the leaves cuz their wives had been naggin'.... they had it all figured out to a "t" (what does that "t" really stand for??) - a whole system of unloading the trailers and bags into the mulcher...

ah sigh.... it hurts to say, but some things are more of a man's world.... though i do try to keep up.... :)

2006-11-09T09:20:00.000-05:00

2006-11-09T09:19:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

aaron & julie's wedding

2006-10-24T20:29:00.000-04:00

aaron & julie otis * 10/21/06

the siblings * 10/21/06

folks,
it was a beautiful wedding..... it's hard to believe that my younger brother is now a married man. it was all a whirlwind experience.... from the announcement, to the planning, to the actual wedding - all in 2.5 months. julie did an amazing job of pulling it all together and remaining incredibly calm and easy going through everything.

aaron's "boss" - the director of the mission organization that aaron works with, drove all the way from washington state to officiate. and know what? he is the same one who married my parents in germany 38 years ago! what a wonderful testimony to my parent's marriage and life. too bad, aaron stole my idea! hahahahahaha.... he also stole another idea.... not far from my parents house is an old castle that used to be a farm..... through the 80's and early 90's, it was the destination of bands such as metallica, guns & roses, and yes, even country music stars such as reba and garth.... well, in the mid-90's it was abandoned and just recently completely redone as a wedding destination. there are so many classy photo ops in that building! sigh..... now a castle is a place to have a reception....

you know.... ray, the pastor who married my parents told us the story that it was the first wedding he had ever officiated. this was in his early years as a missionary in europe. during the ceremony.... not only did he officiate, but he did the sound, took the photos, and did just about everything else.... hahahahaha.... imagine the pastor, running between vows to get the camera up to a balcony in an old german church to take a picture of the bride & groom from a higher location, only to race back down and continue with the ceremony, run to the back, adjust to sound, continue with preaching... taking more photos.... now wouldn't you liked to have seen something like that!! i guess, that means, when i get married, i can pretty much have as much chaos as i like.... let's throw the order and prim and properness out of the window!!! hahahahahaha

the wedding message was convicting and thought provoking as we were challenged to truly think about the meaning of making a vow before God-Almighty! it's not something to be taken lightly. divorce cannot be part of a person's vocabulary. ray also said that in pre-marital counseling, he asks the couple why they think they should get married and what the circumstances have been to bring them together. if it's mushy and all about how wonderful the other person is, then he tells the couple that he cannot marry them.... there must be deeper reasons for getting married to someone.... anyway, it is good stuff to think about why you are with someone.

so, yeah, the wedding weekend was wonderful.... a testimony to God's faithfulness.

oddness

2006-10-12T23:05:00.000-04:00

ever wake up and go through a series of events that are just plain odd? i mean, it's almost as if you are in a twilight zone at times.... this morning, i was late, late, late..... my shoelaces were all knotted up (a conspiracy of my cats???) and as i walked out of the door, behold, there was snow on my car!

yes, friends, SNOW.... the first of the season!!!

it's bizarre to see snow on the ground and flying in the air amidst the green (yes, still green, not orange, reds & yellows) of the trees! three or four houses down from me, a huge tree came down..... and i didn't hear a thing... usually, that's pretty loud.... and the rest of the day was just kind of strange.... seeing people you don't expect.... or overhearing a snippet of conversation that doesn't fit in anywhere into your day.

on another note, the college handed out pedometers to all benefit eligible employees.... yes, we are on a wellness kick and i should be averaging 10,000 steps a day.... the day with this thing today began at 10am.... and now... what 11 hours later, i've walked an embarassing 4,500 steps... i better pick it up! hahahah - as some of you might know, this little "tool" surely is sparking some competition between kendra, habeeb, and i. now, we are trying to take the longest routes around campus, are fighting to take the mail, and are jogging in one spot to add steps (yes, kendra is the queen!!!) hahahahahaha......

for today, i think habeeb won.

alrighty folks, it's homecoming weekend and several friends have crashed my house.... it'll be a weekend full of memories, activities, laughter, and who knows what else....... i'll keep ya'll posted!!!

cat lady

2006-10-11T19:21:00.000-04:00

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..... after loading two huge bags of catfood into my shopping cart and turning the corner, it dawned on me how pathetic i must look.... hahahhahaha.... hihihihihi... there goes the cat lady..... girl with no life, buying huge amounts of cat food... she must have about 20 cats.....

well, thankfully, it's only two of them!! but i was slightly embarrassed.... (just for a moment though!)

fall rituals

2006-10-10T21:24:00.000-04:00

as i teen i used to argue with my mom about wanting to bring in the firewood.... to her it was probably something my dad and brothers should have done, but i was a strong believer in equal rights and knew that if i were to carry the firewood every so often into the house, my brothers might get a fair turn at doing dishes or ironing (though the latter was virtually impossible!).

now that i have my own home, i can carry firewood to my hearts delight.... as well as stack it. a chord of wood was delivered to my house tonight and it took me all but 1.5 hours to stack.... i finished just minutes before the rain started to fall..... a chord of wood is enough to make my back ache... i guess i'll pay for it tomorrow. you know, sometimes you know you ought to take a break but then stubbornness kicks in and i knew i had to get this wood put away.... i hate it when something hangs over my head like that.....

ohhhh....

2006-10-09T22:40:00.000-04:00

and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dad!!! i hope you had a very special day today!! love you lots!!

congrats to.....

2006-10-09T22:36:00.000-04:00

two very dear friends who both just got engaged!!

christen and tony!!

AND

lydia and walter!!

many, many blessings on your future and in taking this step of faith. may god grant you guys all the wisdom and love, guidance, and patience.

i love you guys a lot!! :) can't wait to witness these very special unions!!

bizarre epiphany?

2006-10-09T22:31:00.000-04:00

the most random thought fleeted through my head as i was brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed.

it is "easier" for me to talk to god on behalf of others rather than talk to god about myself - my heart, my desires, my pain.... it's as if i don't know how to put things into words before the lord and i stop my thoughts from developing any further. yet, committing others into god's care is completely different.

why is that? is anyone else familiar with this feeling?

plagued by guilt....

2006-10-08T22:22:00.000-04:00

ahhhh .... sigh.... i'm a bad student. ;) most of us know that sick naggin' feeling that haunts us, reminding us that a task is on hand..... i keep trying to justify my inability to focus on my final papers and capstone project for my MA degree. most days i resort back to the line "oh, i work better under pressure!" but i know that i can't do that for these two CAP papers and final capstone paper. so, every day i think about my projects, but don't sit down to do anything about them... okay, i mean, i really have been trying to keep my head above water with all the politics and activities at work, and when i come home in the evening, the last thing i want to do is sit and study. bad student, i say, bad student!!
the thing is that i'm waking up in the middle of the night full of thoughts about these papers.... so, i've started keeping pen and paper handy just to write these ideas down. sigh..... you know, the kicker is that i really want to find a great topic for my final capstone, but am having an awful hard time thinking this through.... think i need some help to sort through all these thoughts in my head and put something down on paper.

CHANGE IN TOPIC
i spent a delightful weekend outside. yesterday (saturday) i worked in my garden, mowing, mulching, and planting.... and enjoying the gorgeous day. and today i went horseback riding with my friend, cynthia. another gorgeous day and wonderful to once again be sitting in an english saddle and smelling like horse. what a great weekend it was!! i actually felt somewhat relaxed and ready to tackle this coming week.

2006-10-07T22:13:00.000-04:00

2006-10-07T09:46:00.000-04:00

2006-10-05T19:03:00.000-04:00

really... it's not poetry.... ;) i'm serious... they were just random thoughts which came out that way. not a joke - you know, some day i'll take a poetry class, just to stretch my creativity, ja?

speaking of stretching.... i should invest in some yoga or fitness class... ahhhh... sigh.

so, i'm attending a conference in the windy city right now and am procrastinating on going to the reception/dinner... just not in the mood to schmuse with folks today. instead i'm sitting in a cold hotel room.

went to an interesting discussion/round table regarding ethics in study abroad. some topics really are applicable and wow, am i ever thankful that i work for a small college and don't deal with 1000's of students.

well..... i should go mingle..... let me take a taxi across chi-town.

like a phantom limb...

2006-10-04T22:36:00.000-04:00

i could feel you sitting next to me
and i wanted to hold your hand.

but it was only empty air.

my mind plays these strange games....
.... and i turn my head to make sure that you are there.

but you are not.

i thought i heard your voice,
and laughter.

but it's only my imagination.

i guess this is just a little of what it must feel like for an amputee....

you are my phantom limb. and i miss you!

thanks for coming to toronto! siempre contigo.

time to think.....

2006-09-21T22:35:00.000-04:00

it's ironic.... but there are times lately when i think, "stop.... think.... reflect... (big SIT word)....." and i fall asleep.... really, it's not that my thoughts are so boring.... (well, i hope not), but more that i keep thinking... "oh, let me get one more thing done, then i can kick back.... and process life." but i feel like i haven't gotten to that point lately.... and there are SOOOOOO many things running through my head..... things i want to reflect upon.... that i want to ponder and analyze..... but i just don't do it....

i'll be honest.... lately, i feel a bit like a dud..... life seems to be revolving around work. this week alone i've had something at the college every single evening..... and i'm just tired....

there's been a yearning in my heart lately for something deeper, richer, more colorful.... there's got to be more than letting your work dominate your life..... BOUNDARIES. ahhhhhh..... sigh..... so, deeper i go.... and when i get deep enough i pray that things will become more and more clear.....

sometimes even my posts lately have not been very creative or thought provoking....

i better get my act back together.... hahahahahahaha

on another note, one more week before i get to see mi amor in canada..... maybe that will bring some creativity back to my dull life.... ;)

keep ya'll posted!

by the way..... can i just tell ya'll that the politics at work are insane??? i think i've got enough research topics for my CT thesis..... hahahahaha.......

al'arabiah

2006-09-07T18:08:00.000-04:00

friends, the good news is that i'm not giving up on my semester of arabic from last year... jamila would be proud!! now that i'm back at hope, i'm able to continue taking arabic!! first class is tonight... i'm sure there is much to review since i opted to take farsi last spring rather than the second semester or arabic.... actually, an honest and fair assessment will be that i'll need to start from scratch.... at least i'm familiar with the alphabet.... :)

ma'a salama

wild women

2006-09-03T16:39:00.000-04:00

i just could not help myself..... susan, i know you'll get a kick out of this pic....

i love my scanner

2006-09-03T16:34:00.000-04:00

so, i've had this scanner for a number of years but rarely use it.... today it's all set up and ready to go.... i've totally enjoyed going through old photos... the non-digital ones.... so, here are the first few.... by the way, the turkey's are from bonita's turkey farm...

hawks

2006-09-03T13:42:00.000-04:00

every once in a while, we become privy to seeing something grand... maybe it's the striking blue of a little butterfly that still has the courage to emerge at the end of the summer, the brilliant orange of a lily, or holding a newborn baby,.... whatever it is, i believe that it's a gift from god... and that he wants us to stop and look around us in amazement.....

i had one of those moments today.....

i had just settled into a chair by my patio door when strudel (my cat) started chasing shadows in the sunlight streaming onto the floor next to me... curious to know what the shadows were, I got up and went outside.... there above my home in the clearing i saw 20-22 hawks having the most amazing ritual. the hawks were soaring in one circle - half of them clockwise and the other half counter-clockwise. it was stunning. they were perfect in their movements - hardly ever varying from their tight circle.... just soaring....peaceful.... circular.... perfect symetry.... i watched them for about 5 minutes, before they suddendly dispersed into all different directions. each taking off in a different direction.... it was truly amazing..... beautiful.

i came back into the house just slightly stunned and awed by the grace and beauty i had seen....

behind the sun

2006-09-01T22:05:00.000-04:00

just saw a very beautiful brazilian movie.... "behind the sun".... the cinematography is beautiful..... highly recommended.....

office politics and the first week of classes, shuttling japanese students from a to b, thinking about a wedding (not mine!), and fall allergies have me completely beat.... this week i've managed little more than come home from work, dig up some food, and crash in front of a no brainer movie.....

c'est la vie at this point......

carol & andy squires

2006-08-12T19:56:00.000-04:00

aug 6, 2006

a cord of three strands.....

2006-08-12T19:22:00.000-04:00

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

what beautiful symbolism to use at a wedding.... hanging in front of carol and andy were three strands, the middle one beautifully woven of gold, representing christ. the outer two strands represented both carol and andy's lives. during the ceremony the two of them braided the strands together as a symbol of their union. two strands cannot easily be braided together - you need the third to hold it all together. it was beautiful to watch carol and andy commit their new life together under the lordship of christ.

may god richly bless the two of you on this new journey! he is faithful!!

an imagination that has no limit....

2006-08-02T21:51:00.000-04:00

tonight i delved into the wonderful mysterious world of little girls.... what gleeful, spontaneous, imaginative minds such little ones have.... in the deepest parts of my heart i longed to once again have such a creative, imaginative mind which would catapult me into worlds now unknown to me..... worlds of splendor and make believe, of rescuers and heros, of being able to bring fires and food and animals into existance out of nothing....

i spent the evening at some friend's home who had invited several other people over for a turkey dinner... yeah!! thanksgiving in august!!

five little girls under the age of 5 were running aroud in princess dresses, fingernail polish, and pretend adventures.... and it wasn't long before (to my delight!!) i was asked to play along.... while the adults kept there conversations going, i snuck away and was wisked off into a make believe land... i was given a new name - "sapphire," told i was the older sister, and suddendly was cupping my hands around unseen blueberries and herbs.... fighting fires and rescuing my darling little girls from the floodwaters... pretending to be on an airplane flying to japan... and nursing the pretend sick back to health.... what a sweet, sweet time of letting my mind go places that i haven't been to in 25 years....

for those of you who know me... i'm far from being girlie-girl. but oh.... my heart's longing was to be in a princess dress, to be able to truly see the blueberry pancakes and taste the make-believe maple syrup. where has that creativity and imagination gone? i know it's somewhere.... there's something so refreshing about re-visiting that part of your mind.... little girls are amazing... i watched two of the little girls hover next to a mother changing one of the baby's diapers... they were absorbing every move.... staying close, watching what was being done.... it was so precious.... and i could see how as little girls they were drawn to caretaking and nurturing..... there is something innate in us women even as little girls.... something that wants to mother.... to take care of ... to make beautiful..... it's in us.

and how often do i fight it? i try to be the tough girl who doesn't need to lean on someone else.... ms. independent. ms. do-it-myself. ms. tomboy.... oh, i cherish my tomboy childhood, but i also long to be that little girl who will make things beautiful.... dare i say, that i might reconsider the five boys i've always wanted... maybe it would be okay to have some little girls some day....

ah sigh.... alas, i think the book 'captivating' is catching up with me. i'm learning.... truly i'm trying to learn... learning what it means to allow my feminine side to come forth... not hide behind a toughness.... it's hard to explain .... but it's part of a personal journey i'm taking into the deeper side of me.... sounds kinda serious, eh? well, may the journey be filled with many more creative, imaginative moments that wisk me off to unknown places....

blah....

2006-07-31T19:46:00.000-04:00

this heat is absolutely insane.... it makes me feel like i don't want to do a thing.... even driving down to the lake seems like too much of an effort to go through to cool off.... whahhhhh.....

it's monday. what do you think of that?

arghhhhh....

2006-07-21T18:37:00.000-04:00

i have tv cord/cable agression.... you should see the mess of cables behind my tv/dvd/vcr.... it's a mass of spagetti cords.... and i dont' know what cable goes where..... though i should cuz everything is color coded... but it's not working... so i'm thinking that it's the RF Modulator that is not behaving.... ugh.... all i want to do is kick back and watch a movie....

okay... one more for the record....

2006-07-19T14:45:00.000-04:00

alright.... are you ready for another story about the guys being in my house? bless them.... (as emma says!)

the second day that i was back in the house (mind you, they were yet to be around for another three weeks!) I came downstairs and saw that the kitchen sink was completely plugged up. at first i didn't think much of it, but after the guy came back downstairs with the plunger from the bathroom, i knew i was in trouble..... my question was answered with, "i just learned that you cannot stuff corn husks down a garbage disposal".... well, no duh!! i didn't know what to say, so i just walked out of the room. i'm sure it's like the moments that kids say the darndest things and parents don't know whether to laugh or shake the kid. i proceeded to witness this 22 year old man climb onto my kitchen counter, stand over the sink and forcefully plunge away with the toilet plunger in my kitchen sink. ahhhhhh.... sigh. i think there is a seinfeld episode on germs and kramer washing veggies in the shower.... my episode may beat that germ story.

the good news is: my kitchen sink and garbage disposal is husk free; and i hope the good man will think twice when he next uses the disposal..... :)

ahhhh.... pics from the 'otis funny farm'

2006-07-18T23:40:00.000-04:00

... the joys of being a member of the otis funny farm(s)....

a. pancho's bad habits
b. i wonder how dad feels about Boa being on his platter?
c. caught in the act.... don't those two have something better to do??

my apologies!!

2006-07-18T22:52:00.000-04:00

dear reader..... i've let you down!! i'm so sorry for disappearing from the blog world for so long.... i can't believe that almost 3 months have passed by since the last update! sick!!! i shall strive to do a bit better.... i hope you haven't given up on me!

okay, so a quick update! what's happened in the last 3 months?

may 2006 - finished my on-campus coursework for my MA program in Conflict Transformation & Peace Studies. SIT (the grad school) is huge on "reflecting & processing" - so in the spirit of that... i'd say....
*i've never been through a two week long "let's say goodbye every night" festival .... (i refuse to even think of those who kept finding reasons to go out every night to say 'goodbye' and then didn't leave...)
*it IS possible to resort to college days and hit Wendy's three to four times a week after midnight.... (though waking up the next morning, you feel a bit sluggish!)
*i was wrong about all the rain in October... it is possible for it to rain even more.... see weather casts in Brattleboro for May/June....
*too much reflecting is NOT good for the mind.... sorry about not turning in those final reflection papers....
*it's lonely when you are one of the last one's left standing.....

june 2006 - spent three extra weeks at SIT to work as a program/teaching assistant for CONTACT: Conflict Transformation Across Cultures program. a phenomenal experience of learning from and being with peacebuilders from around the world. thank you, friends!

june 19, 2006 - left brattleboro, vt and returned via canada back to michigan. a highlight? definitely stopping by the naus home (canada) and spending time with three wonderful, beautiful people. dave & susan, your hospitality is amazing and julia, you are too precious!! i'm borrowing your pics as memories ....

another june 20 highlight was picking up my brother, andrew, from the airport as he came in from 3 months of overseas work in the czech rep. & albania.... it was so nice not having to go through 'reverse culture shock' by myself..... andrew, you are a blessing and inspiration to me!!

july 2006 - oh, my goodness.... cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning.... well, besides painting my laundry room a beautiful color of 'nacho cheese' (yes, that is the actual name on the can of paint - benjamin moore!) it's a tribute to my good friend amy, who talked me into the project.... ;) as for the cleaning.... i had rented out my home to six (yes, 6) college guys for the year.... cats, furniture, et. all.... and came back to find three guys still in the house. i've been in a constant state of cleaning.... and working around the three who seem to be having separation anxieties when it comes to my home..... two 'cute' stories: three days after finally saying they were moved out, i came back from church and found that one had come back to take a shower and do some watercoloring in the house.... and then yesterday another came to take a nap in his old bed.... hmmmmm..... like i said, separation anxieties.... in the meantime, they have until tomorrow to get the rest of their stuff out and to hand over the keys!!

oh, and the final update of otis happenings.... i'm back at the desk at hope college..... whew... where did the last 10 months go? i wonder how i have changed.... perhaps that is another blog entry.

which i promise to write ... sometime.... i promise.... really..... i'll keep this thing better updated! ;)

chapters in life....

2006-04-24T21:39:00.000-04:00

sometimes it's hard to see another season in my life pass by..... more than anything i realize that it's also the beginning of something new.... but it's still hard..... standing on the verge of the final month of grad school, i'm catapulted to the last time i went through a major change like this.....

every day during these last two weeks i think about the rollercoaster emotions i felt when i left holsby four years ago.... wanting to cram in every minute with as many people as possible ... to get that last walk through the woods in.... to meander down the railroad tracks one last time.... to sit over a cup of tea and listen to someone's voice one last time... to want to make every minute count.... and then it's done.... people move in and out of your life.... and you try to make the memories last forever.

it's community.

and yeah, living on campus isn't always easy... but right now, i know that i'm going to miss having people around... i'm going to miss the company of sitting around and doing nothing.... of being among friends who are on the same schedule as i am.... of eating meals together.... and sitting around the cafeteria for long times just talking about what's next and what life is all about.... of just having people around - talking... not necessarily to me... but making noise so that i know there is someone around if i need to talk..... i'm going to miss this....

i'm sad that i was so anxious to get out of here 9 weeks ago.... i wish it was november right now.... and that i could be here for another 6 months with the people who have become an international family to me.

so, change. it comes, it goes.... as cliche as it sounds, it is the only constant thing. it hurts and yet it's the start of something new....

why should the fire die?

2006-04-10T22:36:00.000-04:00

why should the fire die
my mom and dad kept theirs alive
its early yet don't say goodnight
i know you're tired you'll be alright

you're shining still behind the clouds
saying i won't figure you out
it might be true but let me try
and try and try for the rest of my life

i'm not scared of being alone

i'm just happier being confused
beside the fire as long as it's with you
why should that fire die
my mom and dad kept theirs alive

it's getting late she says goodnight
and falls asleep i'll be alright

~nickel creek

spring break 2006

2006-04-08T22:13:00.000-04:00

the 'daring' yaser

cold enough for sweatshirts!

good study weather....

just got back from a week on the beach in north carolina..... good times, good people, good food!

laughing babies

2006-03-21T15:32:00.000-05:00

you guys have to visit:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=9125208079228405100

it is the cutest, funniest baby video you will ever see!!!!

2006-03-21T15:18:00.000-05:00

SPRING is on it's way.... and I can barely wait!!! Can't wait til I can get back into the garden and clean it all up.... hope the boys are taking care of it all right now!!!

2006-03-12T22:54:00.000-05:00

hey you.
i thought about you just now... wondering.... where you are, what you are doing, if you are happy.... i hope so. i miss talking to you.
me

baby oduchi

2006-03-09T22:55:00.000-05:00

got to spend part of the afternoon with beautiful baby oduchi.... 6 days old!!! he slept in my arms for a whole hour while his momma was out practicing her driving!!! my nigerian friend had him just last week... and it's been so fun to be part of the community that has come around her to help her with everything as her family is back home..... oduchi is precious, precious, precious.... (though i still can't imagine having a baby right now... yikes!!!) :)

donut cushion, anyone??

2006-03-04T16:28:00.000-05:00

sigh.... my latest adventure has definitely slowed me down... i am now a (not-so) proud member of the 'bruised-tailbone-club'..... yes... that is right... i have a bruised tailbone.....

let's just say that selecting a steep enough hill for speed to allow you to become airborn via a snow bank is not such a hot idea when there is a frozen gravel parking lot right after the snowbank. my friend, yaser, an "expert" sledder (i think it was his first time sledding) decided that he would steer us down the hill on the pretty red plastic sled..... the dull 'thud' that we got after soaring through the air does not give justice to the pain i am now feeling.....

.... no, i have not resorted to the donut cushion, though that is what the good doc recommends.... guess i'm banned from further sledding this season.... :(

Defense of the Sacred

2006-03-01T16:50:00.000-05:00

Defense of the Sacred
by Daniel Steinhelper (SojoMail 3-01-2006)

The use of political cartoons to satirize Islam is a cause of great concern for all people of faith. These acts revisit the controversy of American and British artists' use of Christian imagery in ways that offend faith sensibilities - submerging a crucifix in urine, covering a Madonna in feces. Regardless of any intended political or religious critique, the cartoons' overwhelming effect was to deeply offend and provoke, to penetrate to the very core of people's hearts by affronting their belief in the sacred.

A serious and engaged criticism of particular aspects of the Muslim world would demonstrate a significant awareness of and sensitivity to the teachings of Islam. But the cartoons instead had an effect comparable to that of what's known as the desolating sacrilege, a pagan altar that the Seleucid ruler Antiochus IV Epiphanes set up in the temple in Jerusalem - an incident alluded to in the book of Daniel and in the New Testament gospels. This was an act of violence against Jewish beliefs; it defiled a profoundly sacred space. The intent was perhaps to ensure the political allegiance of the Judeans, but the effect was to cut off communication between believers and God. While this example of an affront to the sacred is as extreme as any, Muslims' pain in seeing the cartoons of Muhammad is no different.

The cartoons were intended to express social and political points, but for many Muslims these were lost in the newspapers' disregard for the significance of depictions of Muhammad, who gave the command to never create images of him. In the repeated reprinting of the cartoons, any legitimate statements were further eclipsed by this apparent lack of respect for belief in the sacred.

Roger Koppel, editor of the German newspaper Die Welt, defended his decision to reprint the cartoons, saying, according to the BBC, "[W]e think we are living in a secular society where even religion can be subjected to criticism and satire. It's not acceptable in a Western country, if you publish a cartoon like this, that the newspaper has to apologize, or even the prime minister has to apologize." Koppel's statement confirms that he does not seek an engaged critique of and conversation with Muslims. Instead, he retreats to his own convictions and refuses to take seriously the ways in which his decision to reprint the cartoons affected Muslims. Koppel's expression of his rights reflects his theoretical and professional commitments, but it does not display the strength of character that might compel him to value others' commitments and beliefs alongside his own.

While Christians' understanding of the sacred differs from that of Muslims, we are called to thoughtfully engage others in our communities and our world and to stand with them when they are hurt. If we make efforts to understand Muslims and their conceptions of the sacred, we can then empathize with them when someone offends them so deeply - because we understand what it is like to feel the pain of sacrilege.
People with very different views - including those who place the highest value on faith and those who assign this to reason - should be able to come together in the spirit of mutual respect. Free expression can find meaningful alternatives to the offensive desolating sacrilege; it can create space in which people of diverse perspectives can engage each other. We must stand up for others when their ultimate values are insulted and invalidated. Freedom relies on the higher law of love, which respects all human beings and their expressions of what is sacred. This law of love can lead to a more genuine and civil society.

Daniel Steinhelper, a Wheaton College graduate, is a master's student in the divinity and social service administration schools at the University of Chicago and an intern at Interfaith Youth Core, a Chicago-based organization building inter-religious understanding.

Biking as a Lenten practice

2006-03-01T16:40:00.000-05:00

~an excerpt from "Biking as a Lenten practice" (SojoMail 3-01-2006 )
for full text: http://www.sojo.net/index.cfm?action=news.display_article&mode=C&NewsID=5266

"So I guess, as spiritual disciplines go, this one certainly fits the bill. But, while riding is considered "morally correct" and financially wise for Oregonians, many of us who are Christians ride for different reasons. Rising gas prices posted on placards on many corners are consistent reminders of the world at war, a war fueled by oil. As a Christian I have a responsibility to respond to the imitation of Christ not only with my interior life but with the ways I use the resources of God's creation and in how I think about war. There is no simpler gesture of Christ's peace than to stop purchasing from the gas station.

We are coming upon a new Lenten season, a time when the guilt of my failed spiritual disciplines will once again be edging in on my psyche. If you feel the same way, this season, when we prepare our hearts for the great mystery of Christ's death and resurrection, you might try on a different hat. Instead of ditching sweets, maybe try riding the bus, though it might tack 30 minutes onto your daily commute. That time can be used for prayer and reflection. Feeling ambitious? Think about setting your coffee money aside every day to invest in biodiesel or straight vegetable oil conversion. You might commit to 40 days of bicycle commuting, walking to the grocery store, or not driving all together.

Lent is the time when we have the opportunity to release convenience and ease for a life of dependence, community, and sacrifice. May this season in particular help us each remember our commitments to the church worldwide, the MCC workers and Christians in Iraq - including the Christian Peacemaker Team members still held hostage - and, ultimately, to the kingdom come."

Melissa Bixler is part of the L'Arche Nehalem community in Portland, Oregon, working as an assistant to developmentally disabled adults.

2006-02-28T23:39:00.000-05:00

thoughts....

2006-02-28T16:23:00.000-05:00

where is the christian voice and outrage in the midst of the danish cartoon mess?

where is the christian voice that condemns the actions of the danish press?

why aren't christians protesting the cartoon images made of mohammed?

why aren't christians standing up for the oppressed? the marginalized?
yes, even for the muslim?

blessed is the peacemaker (Matt. 5:9)

is 'silence' the voice of a peacemaker?

have we fallen prey to the 'us-them' mentality?

we have become numb and desensitized to the pain inflicted on others. it doesn't matter if it's a comment, a cartoon, a crime....

"as long as i can speak and act in ways that promote my self-preservation and rights..."
"as long as i can do as i want..."
"as long as my right to speak and act as i want is not being challenged or taken away...."

how often have you heard that? maybe even thought it?

when will i realize that my actions have consequences?
when will i realize that my actions have an effect on someone else?
when will i take other people into consideration?
will i always insist on my rights? on my voice?

what am i afraid of?

where is my voice?

when will north american christians finally wake up and speak out against the injustices of this world? when will we look beyond our north american border and actually confront the oppressors (even if it is recognizing that we may be the oppressor)? when will we find our voice?

sometimes i think we (as christians) buy into the scare/fear tactics of the religious right.... are we afraid of another 9/11? how can we believe the lie that all muslims/arabs are terrorists? is that why the patriot act has so much support in christian conservative circles? jennie's friend is right.... the laws we write into effect now will only come back to haunt us - and we will be on the receiving end....

the US is not any more blessed by God than any other nation or people.... how dare we think so arrogantly?

we are a secular, relativistic nation.

i'll get off my soapbox now.... but i'm interested in any thoughts you may have..... these are rumblings in my mind.... things to mull over and process.... to sort through.... i dont have all the answers.... and you may disagree with me... much of this seems accusatory..... but it's time.... it's really time to start being followers of jesus and not followers of man-made doctrines and laws....

An: Andreas Horeld

2006-02-27T20:41:00.000-05:00

andy h. ~ bitte, bitte schicke das Foto!!! bin ganz gespannt!!! (mel will auch ein Kopie!)

don't let me wait too long! ;)

should i be concerned?

2006-02-24T09:20:00.000-05:00

hmmmm.... so, this is the second class to be cancelled this week... ususally i wouldn't think twice about it... i'd probably even relish in it... however, since these are 4 hour class sessions.... i'm starting to get a bit worried about the disorganization found here..... this morning we sat through 25 min of waiting before someone told us class doesn't start this week... course it wasn't communicated to any of us.... it is just one of many little situations where the disorganization of SIT seems to be coming through... scary for a grad program..... sigh....

my mediation class will be only the second class i have had all week long.... :)

maybe i will relish in it a bit....

another virus of sorts....

2006-02-20T22:41:00.000-05:00

there's something else in the air besides the bird flu virus.... it's the engagement frenzy!!! i kidd you not, when i tell you that in the last four days, six couples have announced/confirmed their engagements.... all people i highly value and treasure.... people who have impacted my life in one way or another and in different phases of my life!! but 6 in 4 days.... isn't that amazing??? congrats to all of you!!!

on a side note, though, i confess that i dont know if it's a feeling of being overwhelmed by all of this news that is settling on me, if i'm frantically trying to get on the moving train, or if i'm still feeling too [fill in the blank] for all of this.... i don't know.... wow....... wow..... wow......

thanks to brad, amy and mom for helping me understand that i'm in the lord's will right now... and there's no better place to be......

so, again, congrats to all of you out there..... i'm sooooooooooooo excited for each of you!!!!!!!!!!!

[and for any of you other yahoos who think that you have something to announce to me, please wait at least another 5 months.... ;)]

2006-02-20T18:32:00.000-05:00

there is just something very peaceful about this picture.... i took it today after lunch while strolling through the woods with some friends.... the more i look at the pic and ponder it, the more i'm drawn into the serenity of it....

for those of you wondering....

2006-02-20T15:49:00.000-05:00

folks (especially andy!!) .... in case you were wondering if henno ever made the friday deadline... ummmmm.... no.

however, he did just post on sunday a lovely pic on his blog, so if you click on the nice h23bubbles.blogspot.com (or on the link provided on the right... just click on 'henno') then you'll see the wonderful pic of julie and henno. you guys make a nice couple!!

thanks, henno, for making me go dig for it... hahahahhaha... i told you i'd get word out.... ;)

my other side....

2006-02-19T22:18:00.000-05:00

whew.... so i feel like i'm living a double life now that i've activated another blog.... in some strange way, i feel like i'm cheating on my beloved 'chickenscratch'...

no worries, i will maintain the random ramblings on 'chickenscratch' as well as the occasional post on www.xanga.com/otomotis

i just don't have it in me to be unfaithful..... chickens and ducks.... (and yes, amy.... my first permanent summer back in mi will bring a little duckling my way..... i promise!!)

2006-02-17T11:18:00.000-05:00

decisions, decisions....

2006-02-15T18:20:00.000-05:00

argh..... why??? i swear, sometimes i have the hardest time making decisions.... well, actually it's more of always wanting to leave the backdoor open for something else... just... in... case.... rediculous, actually. especially when i already know what i want to do... but then always feel like i have to think it over and over and over.... and i end up going back and forth.... even though i know what i will do, i always feel like i'm letting people down.... and where do boundaries come in?? ... why can't i just say 'no'??? sigh.... this indecisiveness definitely seems to be the long road .... i think this is hereditary.... i got it from my parents and it'll probably get passed on to the next generation after me... sigh.... this is crazy... it urks me to no end in terms of my parents and then i fall into the same traps.... argh!!!!

henno, you are in big, big trouble.....

2006-02-15T13:44:00.000-05:00

sigh... i'm so ready to get back to michigan.... my friends are living their lives without me!!! ;)

i know that sounds selfish.... hahahahahahaha..... i just miss you guys way too much!

yesterday i FINALLY was clued in that henno has started to date someone... after what? 6 weeks?? i mean, come on, henno, you are one of my best friends and you can't pick up the phone to call me and tell me??? and maggee, what are you thinking??? you are supposed to keep me posted especially on news such as this! bah!! my question is... andy or phung, did the news travel your way already??

after years of sitting through skiles with you two boys... that's all you can offer??

okay.... well, so much for being in on the loop!! hahahahahaha

henno, you have until friday to send me the picture! don't forget!!!

2006-02-14T15:25:00.000-05:00

2006-02-14T11:56:00.000-05:00

red

that special place....

2006-02-14T11:03:00.000-05:00

do you have a place that you escape to? a place that is just your place? a place where you can let down your guard, not worry about what people think, say or do? a place that you don't want to run into anyone you know.... a place that you might not want to take others to? a place that is so familiar to you that it allows you to dream... to remember... to meander....

my friend, emma, just wrote about her special place... it was so descriptive that i longed for that place myself.... i wish i could 'return,' though i've never been there myself....

and then i remembered one of my own places that i used to have while growing up.... my quiet place was in the horse barn, curled up in a corner, smelling the mixture of sweet hay and straw, feeling the gentle breath of the horse on my face, hearing the grinding of the hay in the horse's jaw, and knowing that i was safest there.... a place where i was understood... a place where i could dream.... a place where i could cry... a place that i could get away....

it seems like it's been a while since i've had a place to escape to... no horsebarn to sit in.... i miss that.

2006-02-14T10:54:00.000-05:00

red

food for thought....

2006-02-13T11:49:00.000-05:00

here is the most bizzare of all fortune cookie tags i have ever come across.....

If you think you are too small to be effective,
You have never been in bed with a mosquito.

clever, isn't it?? i mean, the more i think about it, the more it makes sense.... mosquitos are pesky little critters... either they zoom around by your ear all night long, or they bless you with bites all over the place... they don't go away... until they get squashed....

let's hope we don't get squashed in the midst of trying to be effective agents of change!

2006-01-23T13:01:00.000-05:00

i just "love" living in snow-country..... today's class: CANCELLED!