31.8.04

it's good...

you know that feeling when everything just seems right.... it's just plain good - like the contented GOOD that is followed by a sigh of happiness.... i look around me, think of people that surround me, the environment, and just life in general, and i know that right now things are good - GOOD.

yeah, there are holes in my life that i don't always understand and can't patch right now, but i also know that the lord is just giving me a lots of grace at this time. his joy floods my soul when i look around me.... there's so much to learn about appreciating the little things in life. it makes me think of this summer, when i worked in the garden - the simplicity of having my hands in the dirt, seeing the vibrant colors, catching a scent from a lavender bush, and watching things grow. why do we complicate life so much? why do we try to drown out life by allowing noise (work, tv, radio, etc) to numb and distract our thoughts? why do we need to constantly be busy and on the go? do we fully live life like that? what is it to live fully? to embrace life? the beauty, the simplicity (and the intricacy), the joy, the...

and i wonder what your passion in life is? do you truly know what your god-given passion is? and does it make you happy? happy in your soul, knowing that this happiness is a gift, an offering of praise back to the lord?

when i do look around me, when i interact with students from around the world - when i encourage them, joke around with them, laugh with them, challenge them, learn about and from them, cry with them, hug them, help them, ... i get energized... i feel alive, like i'm fulfilling my purpose right now... i think that joy, that sense of being alive is passion...

and yes, i know not every day is like this, but on the days that it is, it is a powerful reminder of god's love for me - of knowing that he is using me right here right now... and it's GOOD.

22.8.04

anish kapoor

19.8.04

right now....

it really is a weird concept to start wondering what someone else is doing right at the moment that you are thinking of them.... but i think it only works if you can picture the whole environment, know of someone's schedule and routine, and can visualize it all.... i mean, i can't even imagine the surroundings that chong is in and what he's doing, cuz i have never been there... strange, eh? thanks for weirding me out, chong!! ;)

if you were a fish....

yesterday morning i asked my japanese students some random "what if" questions as part of an esl drill... one of my favorite responses was to the question:

if you were a fish what kind would you be and why?
emi (without much thinking): if i were a fish, i would like to be a salmon.
14 other j-students: oooooohhhhh & ahhhhhhhh
emi (continuing): i like to eat salmon. so i would like to be a salmon so that people would enjoy eating me......

hmmmm.... never really thought about that "self-less" approach.... i wonder what it would be like to live purely knowing that you exist to please someone's taste palette.... that your end is dependent on someone's sushi cravings...

here are some other questions i asked:
*if you were stranded on an island, what 5 things would you want with you and why?
*if you could be born in any country, which would you choose and why?
*if you could tell someone one thing, what would it be and whom would you tell? (interesting sidenote: the j-group assigned, said they would tell brittney spears to stop singing....)
*if you could change 5 things about japan, what would it be?
*if you could be famous for one thing, what would you choose and why?
AND (of course!) *If you had one million dollars what would you do with it and why?

17.8.04

... i suppose it really was this blurry....

stalks

"I want to beg you as much as I can... To be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves… Do not now seek answers which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer… take whatever comes with great trust…" Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1926)

16.8.04

leaving...

in less than 24 hours...

the only regret i have thus far is that i didn't know earlier...

11.8.04

mr. pip

10.8.04

on second thought it's more like bootcamp...
*pounding the pavement bellowing out chants
*walking in formation
*drill sargents (what do you call them?? - cheer instructors??) meandering through the troops

each group of yellow, red, black, blue, and green work in their own space encouraging a non-existant crowd...

i wonder who their commander-in-chief is... surely he/she surfaces when it's time to rally the troops, blare tunes through the camp, and let 100 adoring teens scream their support.


9.8.04

Was es ist - What it is

Es ist Unsinn sagt die Vernunft (It is nonsense says reason)
Es ist was es ist sagt die Liebe (It is what it is says love)

Es ist Unglueck sagt die Berechnung (It is misfortune says calculation)
Es ist nichts als Schmerz sagt die Angst (It is nothing but pain says fear)
Es ist aussichtslos sagt die Einsicht (It is hopeless says insignt)
Es ist was es ist sagt die Liebe (It is what it is says love)

Es ist laecherlich sagt der Stolz (It is ridiculous says pride)
Es ist leichtsinning sagt die Vorsicht (It is careless says caution)
Es ist unmoeglich sagt die Erfahrung (It is impossible says experience)
Es ist was es ist sagt die Liebe (It is what it is says love)

erich fried

the invasion...

sigh.... i didn't expect to take a stroll down memory lane - especially not down the overgrown, forgotten path leading back to ejhs. but how could i not remember those "fond" cold nights, sitting on hard bleachers, wrapped in a blanket, trying to balance my attention on the latest marching band formation and "that" cute boy down on the sidelines of the football field - dreaming of him walking with his football helmet in hand towards me declaring his undying love for me..... UNTIL my fantasy land is shattered by a blur of red and black screeching skirts bellowing out the latest cheer...

YES, indeed, what would cause me to take such a walk into the past.... i don't suppose it has anything to do with 100 or so screeching high schoolers outside my office window, trying to out-d0 the other team in noise pollution as they learn the latest style of pyramid formation, backward flips, and toe touches...

alas, my head pounds with new cheers and i'm suddendly a fired up fan of the bucketeers, tigers, panthers, raiders, and hornets. now all i have to do is go to the game... and continue dreaming about "that" cute football player...